I was not sure what to write on the topic of assturbation. I had not considered myself an assturbator nor given the term much consideration, so I was taken aback when I was pointed out to be one. Awash in the implications of such a title left me much to ponder.

Assturbation for the uninitiated is the act of deriving sexual pleasure from self stimulating one’s ass. Much in the same way any bator would stroke their cock, in assturbation the focal point is the hole. Pretty much all the same rules and games apply however the biggest difference is the act and feeling is more internally centered, and what end you choose to point towards the camera. 

I consider myself to be the chief authority of my own pleasure but not the expert and I think the distinction is important. One’s sexual journey is ever evolving and as a man of a particular age life has shown me that sometimes the things you thought were concrete are not as rigid as you perceived. I consider myself versatile —Power Vers if you will. The fluidity and exchange of pleasure and the utilization and exploration of one’s (and or others’) full body is what brings me the most excitement. It is often confining when a partner is unwilling to have the same openness. When I was very young I thought I was only a top… hell, before that I thought I was straight! I think as men interested in our pleasure, evolution is necessary. To know ourselves is to try new things and potentially revisit those things we thought were not for us with a new mindset and perspective. If we don’t we get stagnant, bored, old. I consider myself an authority in my pleasure because I alone know what feels good… I don’t consider myself an expert as that feels concrete and absolute and a man that knows anything, knows he knows nothing at all. 

So what does all of this have to do with my hole? Well, when determining and researching what to write I knew I wanted to contribute something of worth. A guide to bottoming —it’s been done, Google and every social platform has you covered from cleaning to technique. Could I write why or how I do it? The simple answer is it feels good, you just have to use an object of your choosing to get you there. I could talk about my journey to this point, but that’s really just a gradual progression that, like anything worth achieving, involves repetition and practice. 

The thing I find most interesting about the process is the shift in mindset that one requires to enjoy ass play. Bottoming; the term itself is attached to many stigmas and beliefs. Many cultures load it up with religious shame, the patriarchy dumps misogyny all over any individual that receives anything penetratively during sex and fills is with words and notions like weak, sissy, faggot, slut. This bleeds into marginalized cultures including bate spaces where the goal is pleasure. It is understandable that anyone would be hesitant to explore what’s behind them with all of these discouraging messages. 

The act takes a lot of traditionally masculine qualities, bravery, courage, strength, independence, even dominance, and assertiveness but that will only get you so far. I think where a lot of men get stuck is their inability to tap into those qualities that are assumed to be feminine. 

Acceptance being the biggest one. Men are taught to not be passive but to aggress — conquer. In our brains sex and aggression run the same neural pathways. Adding society’s reinforcement of gender norms with toxic rationality and feminine suppression there is no wonder why relaxing for insertive pleasure could seem like an impossible task; not being rigid… hard… stiff for pleasure is inconceivable. The act can’t be completed through pure dominance; no pleasure would ever come from that. I hesitate to use the word submission only because it draws out those stigmas mentioned before but when we accept, when one stops trying to control and gives into the surrender of acceptance endless waves of pleasure are possible.

The depths of one’s inner self can’t be met and a hunger for oneself can’t be fulfilled. On cam it’s not what you can give but what you can take. In the act you become the vessel, the reason why men shudder, spasm and moan. Why his balls tighten and his cock gets even stiffer. As a man knowing that feeling and eliciting that experience in another drawing that desire to mount and breed only compounds the feedback loop to continue and with no refractory break with tradition masturbation and continue I do, insatiably. 

Anyone who considers themselves a good top knows what a good hole feels like, looks like, sounds like, tastes like. But also understands that submissiveness is an illusion and despite the name, bottoming well is not a passive act. The activity I’d argue takes more work, making me question if strict tops are low-key just being lazy. The idea of and desire for the “strict top” is gay culture’s unconscious support of the patriarchy and self hatred is so last century. If you refuse to bottom what might that say about your thoughts on those that do? What does that actually say about your performance and your connection with your partners? Are you the man you think you are? Are you worried about feeling less than a man because you decided to open up? We should know that Masculinity and Femininity aren’t a binary and pleasure has no form. So what holds you back from that fullness of your sexual pleasure? Perhaps the limits of your own cock and the intimidation of a hungry hole seems to have no exhaustion point. Maybe it is the fear of becoming cock hungry bottom, what are you truly losing? For every top that knows what a good hole feels like, I urge you to check to see if you are sitting on some good pussy. 

Accept you don’t know it all 

Accept that your feelings may be biased 

Accept that you’re scared of what you’ll become 

Accept that unknowing may be undoing 

Accept the pleasure comes from inside 

Accept that the voice telling you no is probably not your own

Accept that if it wasn’t pleasurable then people wouldn’t do it… and they very much do 

Accept that embracing your sluttiest of impulses is just another way to embrace yourself 

Accept that you might be made anew 

Accept that sub and bottom aren’t mutually exclusive, Dom bottoms exist 

Accept that your mind (your biggest sex organ) controls it all 

So go slow, take care and ease in. Breathe, accept, and remind yourself that this is what you want. That pleasure is what you seek, that pain is weakness leaving the body and we all are just having fun. Perhaps throughout all of this you’ll discover that the greatest gift is, in fact, to receive. 

Use tons of lube. 

— Phokdoggie