This is for anyone who wants to experience sex in a fun, connected way. We believe in bating as a vehicle to romantic friendships and community. We see bating as a bridge: across online and offline spaces and identities; across communities, sexual backgrounds and experience levels; into an integrated and abundant vision of sexuality.
We stand for sex that is connected, present and non-transactional. We have experienced it as a powerful tool to build community as it connects us to ourselves and each other. We stand opposed to sex that is transactional, impersonal and exploitative so often seen in traditional sex spaces. We stand against the glorification of addiction, porn and substance abuse as it isolates and fragments us.
We aim to be inclusive when it comes to gender identity, ethnicity, body diversity, age and social class. We stand opposed to bigotry, fascism and exploitation.
Bator Sex intends to share our vision of intimacy, since it wasn’t portrayed as we experienced it. It is a result of the Bator Bro parties, an experiment in bringing online bator culture into physical spaces. We discovered the bator mindset resonated beyond identity, creating common bonding space for people across scenes, backgrounds and sexual experience. Its unassuming warmth and low-stakes are the perfect grounds for exploration and intimacy that can blossom into warm bonds and caring community.
We’ve written the values and guidelines so they can be applied across different types of events, online and in-person, together with the event’s house rules.
Values
Self-exploration of mind, body and spirit.
Friendship based on intimacy and curiosity.
Community from supporting those around you.
Joy in shared play.
Kindness for yourself and others.
Inclusivity through appreciation of the whole self.
Guidelines for Community
1. Respect boundaries. Always look for explicit consent, verbal or not, when approaching someone for play, and follow house rules. Try to listen to your body and respect your own as well.
2. Be present in the moment, in your body and mind, in interactions with others. Regard things as they are and as they change.
3. Seek to connect with others. Be curious about who they are. Respect your differences and learn from them.
4. Show appreciation with your eyes, your words, you smile. Give and accept compliments for their own sake, with no expectation or need of reciprocity.
5. Discover all forms of sexy. You may just find some new ones. Let yourself be surprised by beauty in all bodies, hearts and minds.
6. Experiment with new types of play. Share with others and be open to possibilities. It might reveal new dimensions inside you.
7. Communicate with courage and clarity. It takes guts to ask for what you want, but you never know, you might just get it.
8. Pace yourself. Find the rhythm that helps you connect to yourself and others. When in doubt, slow down and listen in.
9. Dare to be soft. There is joy and pleasure in tenderness. Embers can grow into great fires.
10. Embrace rejection as incompatibility. Look for people you can connect with, those on your same frequency. Compatibility is hot.
11. Don’t be a stranger. You’ve shared a beautiful moment, keep the connection going and create new experiences. Friendships, memories and skills are built over time.